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They just know » Blogging AS an Aspie
Matt has Asperger’s Syndrome (AS), an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and is writing this blog so that people can gain more of an insight into how people with the condition process thoughts, feel emotions, react to situations and generally handle life.

26 Mar 08 They just know

I’ve been following a fellow blogger with a mental health condition, and how he copes with his life. It’s interesting, because despite having wildly different unrelated conditions, we both seem to have the same type of friendship with someone. He is really close to Ana, and she helps him out with keeping his moods under control, and general stuff like that.

As I read one of his recent posts, and how he missed Ana, yet at the same time wanted her to be happy any enjoying what she was doing, it stuck a chord with me. It’s exactly how I feel about somebody, particularly during college holidays. You see, this person just has some kind of natural instinct for what I’m going to be like. It’s scary; this is something that even my Mum has to think about, my support workers think about. But she just seems to know, yet all that does in confuse me more about where I stand with her. Once you add in a dimension about somebody trying to emotionally protect another because of their disability, it really complicates things. To be frank, I felt less confused about where I stood with her when she told me the words I didn’t want to hear yet made me feel happy about it all!

Don’t get me wrong, it’s really sweet that there are people out there like that. And it’s really kind of her to be so patient and understanding. But I can’t help but feel she’s making allowances for me because of my Asperger’s; and I simply don’t want her to do that because it’s not fair on her. Both Nick and I have found somebody who could well become a life-long friend, and that is something that both of us must treasure and respect. I suppose I wonder what it would be like if we didn’t have our own conditions, would we still have found them, and would they still be so nice.

I should just try and not pay any attention to all of the complications, I think. But I can’t do that, because I like to analyse things, it keeps me occupied. The thing that I can’t figure out is why people do this. I don’t suspect anybody’s friends have any kind of ulterior motive, far from it. But I’d like to know why they protect us, look out for us, care about us, and ultimately support us through some of the most difficult times of our lives. The hardest thing is to know somebody cares about you, but because they want to protect you, you realise you’ll never get close. If it was a staff member, I could easily deal with that, it’s called professionalism; when it’s a friend, somebody who I really care about, it’s different, because it’s, just, I can’t even begin to get the words I would need to describe it…

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