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sex » Blogging AS an Aspie
Matt has Asperger’s Syndrome (AS), an Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and is writing this blog so that people can gain more of an insight into how people with the condition process thoughts, feel emotions, react to situations and generally handle life.

18 Feb 09 Combined Oral Contraceptive Pill

Disclaimer: I do not, at present, agree to using hormonal contraceptives as a method for controlling behaviour in females with autistic traits!

I don’t want to say too much about this, because it is simply my own personal observations of somebody who may or may not have any autistic traits – certainly I don’t think she is formally diagnosed with anything. This article is a follow up to Maybe, maybe not!

My observations

None of the observations from the previous post have changed, and the young lady concerned is still the same as always when in class. I’ve noticed her more often outside of class, mainly in the college canteen where she is still surrounded by her large group of friends, and, often, her boyfriend.

The difference comes in her behaviour towards me. When I first met her, she was alright with me, not exactly best-of-mates, but certainly no trace of dislike. Admittedly I can be a bit very patronising at times, and that can cause people to dislike me, but I wasn’t expecting her behaviours towards me. Within 2 weeks of meeting her, it would appear to anybody who saw us that she hated me. She would be very ‘bitchy’ to me in class, and my support worker overheard her saying quite a considerable number of horrible things about me to her friend.

Then, for no apparent reason, she simply ignored me, then would talk to me, ignore me, and go back to the bitching. Funny, but that cycle took about 28 days – give or take… After October half-term, it happened all over again, and I basically go used to the fact that she was never going to get on with me, even if her life depended on it! But then, something changed leading up to Xmas. She was civil to me – which was, for this situation, quite a breakthrough. Obviously, I tried to stay civil, and polite with her, although I was very confused by her sudden change; particularly as I was subsconsciously bracing myself for another lesson of bitchiness.

One of the girls I used to know at high school will tell you that I have an almost uncanny ability to predict, with a 1 day accuracy, when a girl’s period will fall; based solely on what one person has told me about her in two weeks. Amazingly, I was spot-on for some considerable time – althought it was never a topic we brought up often!

So, completely confused by what my mind was guessing, and what I was noticing, I quickly flicked through my notebook. One thing I sometimes do is to make notes at the top of any pages when a social situation is turning negative, to see if there is a trend (ie is it getting worse, and is it continual). I wrote the dates where I had made notes (only twice) in the back of the notes, and calculated the interval – 27 days. Then, I worked out the time between the last note and that day – 57 days. Without medical evidence, but using solely mathematics and gut feeling, I assumed I was calculating when she was ‘on’.

Since the Xmas holidays, she’s been even more bubbly than usual, and has started asking me for help. Sometimes complimenting or thanking me, although almost invariably in a sarcastic way. I could be seeing things in too much of a positive way, but I like to at least think that she has become much more civil and polite with me than she was.

The final observation was actually a physical one – and that was thing young lady taking a small white tablet from a foil packet which she kept in her bag. My medical knowledge guessed that it was likely to be a COCP, and based on what I’d seen of them, I would hazard a guess at Microgynon-30.


I can’t really say. I can timeline things, and figure that she started seeing her boyfriend in either October or November, that she became more civil/polite towards me in late December, and that I witnessed her taking a small white pill about 2 weeks ago. But that is all circumstantial.

Whatever has changed her, and stopped her being so bitchy to me, and horrible about me behind my back, is a great thing as far as I’m concerned. I can’t say what it is, but I can guess…

07 Apr 08 Spicing it up

I always watch BBC One’s Holby City on a Tuesday evening, and last week was no exception to that. What struck me was Joe Byrne (who shows a lot of Aspie traits) asking his manager (and fatherly figure) Elliot Hope for some advice; he implied to him that he was having trouble in the bedroom, and not being able to make, you know, it last. Even better was Elliot’s metaphorical analogy of it being like cooking. I could see where he was coming from, but couldn’t really relate to it; for me, the kitchen door has yet to open!

Elliot was talking about how you need to achieve certain things, for example following the recipe, having the oven at the correct temperature, and cooking for the correct amount of time. He went on to say that, with more confidence and experience, you go on to adapt the recipe, perhaps by adding some extra spice, or a little bit longer cooking.

Being a typical Aspie, I like to examine every little detail, and take things to the nth degree. So, my analysis of the metaphorical cooking:

Firstly, you have to gather all the correct ingredients. Just as you can’t make a sandwich without bread, you shouldn’t attempt sex without protection (be it in the form of a condom, femidom, pill, IUD, implant, etc). Not only are physical ingredients, but the emotional ones are much more valued: love, trust, passion, and most importantly – mutual consent.

Secondly, you should follow the recipe, particularly if you’ve made the meal before. Just as you don’t add the margarine to the flour in a cake, you don’t start with consent and try and add the trust to it. You need to start with your firm base of love, and then gently work up the trust on top of it. Once you have that, you can start adding some passion to the mix, and top it with consent. Of course, every recipe tells you the temperature of the oven, and this is no exception; sex simply does not cook on a cold heat, you really need a hot oven to get things going.

Thirdly, you need to cook the mixture for the right amount of time. Too little time and you’ll have a floppy pudding, too much and you’ll burn yourself out. Get it just right, and you’ll have created a sensual delight hard to beat.

Finally, it’s no good spending all that time in the kitchen to serve something that looks awful. A good chef always puts as much effort into the presentation as to the cooking. You’ve got to present your meal in the right way, with lots of thought going into the setting, the atmosphere, and the build up. Nobody likes to go straight to dessert, so you should have a good, simple starter planned, followed by an enjoyable main course. Only then can you go on to show your tempting masterpiece.

If you’ve done well with all your cooking, you should be able to finish off with some squirty cream!

The above post is written very tongue-in-cheek, and should not be taken literally!